vaecrius: The infamous cartoon of Darwin's head on a chimp's body, superimposed with a MSPainted Nazi armband. (are you a monkey)
Been a long time since I've linkdumped here. But the series of links from Wednesday followed such a clear thematic pattern I have to save this.


Post-Christian America: Gullible, Intolerant, and Superstitious

One may rightly object to that last comment as a general thing, but given the links that I will link to below, it turned out to be prophetic.
Ross Douthat has written powerfully about the political consequences of post-Christian conservatism. It turns out that when men and women shed their faith, they don’t necessarily get more liberal, but they do get more tribal and vicious. Many members of the alt-right, for example, famously shun Evangelical Christianity (calling its adherents “cuckstians”). Indeed, as we learn from the battle between social-justice warriors and their right-wing counterparts — the emerging class of godless, angry populists — when you remove from your moral code any obligation to love your enemies, politics hardly improves.

The damage extends far beyond politics, of course. If there’s one abiding consequence of the shallow theologies and simple superstitions of our time, it’s the inability to endure or make sense of adversity. It’s a phenomenon that fractures families, fosters a sense of rage and injustice, and ultimately results in millions of Americans treating problems of the soul with mountains of pharmaceuticals. ...


South Park raised a generation of trolls
Is it just me or has South Park gone full cuck?” wondered fans on Reddit’s The_Donald immediately after that episode aired, and probably not for the first (or last) time. But in the aftermath of Trump/Garrison’s election, those same, vigilant cuck-watchers were back to crowing over how South Park had really stuck it to politically correct types in a scene where Trump/Garrison tells PC Principal, “You helped create me.” That South Park positioned this as less of a triumphant comeuppance than a suicidal backfire didn’t seem to matter. And the show more or less left it there—portraying Trump/Garrison as a dangerously incompetent buffoon, but also as the ultimate “u mad?” to all those liberals they fucking hate.

All of which makes Parker and Stone’s recent declaration to lay off Trump in the coming 21st season a real disappointment at best, cowardice at worst. The duo is, of course, under no obligation to tackle politics—or anything else they don’t want to, for that matter. They’re also right that mocking Trump is both redundant and “boring,” and also that everyone does it. For two dyed-in-the-wool contrarians, Trump comedy feels every bit as bland, lifeless, and sitcom-safe as an episode of, say, Veronica’s Closet. Furthermore, Parker’s complaints of the show just “becoming CNN now” and not wanting to spend every week endlessly restacking the sloppy Jenga pile of Trump-related outrage is completely understandable. Believe me, I get it.

That said: Man, what a cop out. South Park has already spent the past 20 years being CNN for its CNN-hating audience. Meanwhile, Parker and Stone have proudly, loudly thumped for a “fearless” brand of satire that’s willing to mock everyone from George W. Bush to Scientology to Mormonism to Muhammad, even under death threats. To shrug now and say, as Parker did, “I don’t give a shit anymore”—right when, by their own admission, the influence of the show’s worldview has reached all the way to the White House—feels especially disingenuous, and suspiciously like caving to the young, Trump-loving fans with whom they have forged such an uneasy relationship. (“South Park bends the knee on their fake-news-fueled portrayal of President Trump,” one The_Donald post gloated, followed by many, many more.) If they truly believe that those trolls in the mirror are “horrible people” who are helping to “fuck the country up beyond repair,” it would be truly fearless to tell them why, with no hint of ambiguous, everything-sucks irony that can be willfully misinterpreted.


Porn is Destroying Dicks, and My Job
I should probably explain that I am Tantric healer, which means that I touch penises for a living. It's certainly not all I do, as an ordained priestess who supports men in cultivating sacred, conscious relationship with their authentic sexual expression, and the Divine Feminine herself. But, for our intents and purposes, all you really need to know is that I touch a lot of penises.
...
What's wrong with bucking and clenching and grinding? they ask. Well, these are the actions that speak to Voon's findings, which state that the porn addicted subjects "had greater impairments of sexual arousal and erectile difficulties" than those "healthy volunteers" we referenced earlier. The bucking and the clenching and the grinding are all indicative of desensitization, and of my clients' desperate attempts to generate some real-life arousal, because—as we've already determined—they have become tolerant to subtle sensations, and now require gross and exaggerated stimulation to feel themselves at all, let alone to achieve orgasm. [Graphic description follows of what to expect of a healthy male and a broken one.]
...
It's one thing to be numb and unreachable on your Tantrika's massage table. It's quite another when you are entwined in your lover's arms, and she wants to share a connected, mutually-satisfying, erotic experience, but all you can do is pummel and pound while clenching your eyes and your nether regions, calling up any number of online scenarios in your imagination to trick yourself into a semblance of turn-on. Because this is yet another downside of porn addiction: It makes your partner's needs and wants and humanity kind of irrelevant, if not downright annoying, because the porn addict is used to pixelated, 2D "women," who are so much easier to (not have to) deal with than the real life-version, what with their emotions, and their periods, and their clits.

"I prefer seeing you, because honestly, I feel sort of resentful when I have to give my partner foreplay," admitted a twenty-seven year-old client.


I spent 23 years as an elite fighter pilot, and it taught me that motivation is meaningless
A cure? A diagnosis? Pride and lust are wonderful motivators.
In real life, when fear, fatigue, and doubt set in, no speech can provide the motivation you need to keep going. The only thing you and your team can rely on is discipline.

"Discipline Equals Freedom" is Jocko Willink's formula for achieving success. ...

Literally overnight, my motivation evaporated – as did most of my interest in spending a career flying from a carrier. For the first time in my life, flying wasn't fun. I realized that the dream job was just that: a job. And it was a job that was going to require me to do things I didn't enjoy or find easy.

Fear can debilitate a carrier aviator, especially in combat. To succeed, I had to get past it. My self-discipline was all that I could rely on, and I needed every ounce that I had. ...

Most of my time was spent with men like Chris Kyle, who would sit next to me on rooftops, motionless for hours, observing the city through the scope of his rifle. Day in and day out, I watched him do the tedious, thankless, and unrewarding work they don't show you in recruitment videos or movies. Few things can sap your motivation and focus like Ramadi's suffocating dust and 115 degree heat. The only thing that gets you through an environment like that is discipline. And although that discipline often goes unrecognized, it doesn't go unrewarded: It allowed Chris to save countless lives and made him the most successful sniper in SEAL history.


DoD spends $84M a year on Viagra, similar meds
Not to suggest at all that the porn caused this too. But they are both repeated exposure to destructive, dehumanizing evils with significant neurological consequences.
A report published in September found that the incidence rate of ED among active-duty personnel more than doubled from 2004 to 2014.

Researchers at the Armed Forces Health Surveillance Center found that the overall incidence rate of ED climbed from 5.8 cases per 1,000 person-years in 2004 to 12.6 cases in 2013, or more than 1 percent of the total population.

According to the report, 100,248 cases of ED were diagnosed among active-duty members from 2004 to 2013.

More than half of those were classified as "psychogenic," meaning the dysfunction was related to psychiatric rather than physical causes.

A number of factors can contribute to ED, from mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety, to medications for treating physical and mental conditions as well as injuries, illness and aging.


"Everything Except Country and Rap": What You Really Mean
Relevant for this one line at the end:
Do you really like everything, or do you just like everything you’re told to?
vaecrius: Duke2 Rigelatin overlord: "We'd kill you, you see, but our religion prevents the interruption of suffering." (rigelatin)
You have seen it written: do not lie with a male as with womankind, for it is an abomination. But I say unto you: I tell you the truth, unless your abominations against womankind come to an end also, you will not see the kingdom of heaven until all of Sodom and Gomorrah have been saved.
vaecrius: A little yellow ant in the grass on a sunny day. (yellow ant)
In response to this comment:
I’d be very interested in the atheist-to-orthodox “take” on this sort of discussion.
I'm not even sure if I count, since I was brought up as a Christian before I became an atheist (de facto in my teens, explicitly in my twenties), but it did get me to try to articulate just what might've been going on in my head in the months leading up to my visit of St. John of Shanghai Orthodox Mission on the evening of February 1, 2014.*

Read more... )


*a date that I've always remembered as January 30 or 31 until I checked the day of the week just now. The reading of the life of St. Brigid I remember more distinctly.
vaecrius: The infamous cartoon of Darwin's head on a chimp's body, superimposed with a MSPainted Nazi armband. (are you a monkey)
And so we trudged along the frozen waste.
We found a wall of stone, ten feet in height,
Rough from wear and carelessness, easily clomb.
Stains, and a great stench, covered it--
Rotting, sulfrous protein, slime and shell.
Bubbling I heard: not below, but unseen.

Read more... )
vaecrius: A stylized navy blue anarchy sign juxtaposed with a pixellated chaos symbol made to resemble a snowflake. (anarchy and chaos)
I take back certain things I may have said about Ground Branch a while back. actually coming along quite nicely given what is trying to be done.

On panopticons and when terrorists win.

Here, have some more imaginary evil.

...


Dumped by phone call. Asked if I still wanted to go visit her friend with her as we originally planned. Struck me as less than ideally unawkward.

Over the year I'd thought of her as a lifeline, or more aptly a possible final straw that would tip the balance.

Timed something wrong and was not listening to loud music through earbuds while Joel Osteen was on in the other room. He spoke of Zacchaeus, and I was reminded, and became at peace.

Then I called.

She wasn't angry at me. There wasn't hate in her voice. I could have kissed her for that alone, but obviously this was not the time for various reasons.

There was an Interruption, and now I'm posting this pending her return call if she makes it. If not, then some other day.


And now I wonder whether this would get me working on NML again by the end of tonight.
vaecrius: Duke2 Rigelatin overlord: "We'd kill you, you see, but our religion prevents the interruption of suffering." (rigelatin)
> just spent Saturday night - and Sunday morning - with gf
> last Her just changed status on fb to "single" tonight
> it turns out I'm naturally serially monogamous

ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

(locking until moot)

[2014-03-17: moot.]
vaecrius: a crude scrawl of a grinning, blazing yellow sun. (hier kommt die sonne)
Rule 34 of Moose and the I Don't Know Slime. Taking place in an ambiguous, melodramatic conflict that may be the world unraveling before her eyes or nothing more than the banal psychomachia of questioning hypercomfortable faith in one's own existence. That is my fetish.

In other news!

Here's a thing about same-sex marriages or marriage-like relationships - in the early Church. [personal profile] steorra, I vaguely remember you posting about something similar but there was a catch or complication, but I can't remember what to search for to find the post (if indeed you had posted). Any further light you can cast on this?
vaecrius: A stylized navy blue anarchy sign juxtaposed with a pixellated chaos symbol made to resemble a snowflake. (anarchy and chaos)
Resolutions for this year:

TRIPE.

FRIED.

...actually that could be pretty good as long as you could keep it from getting soggy :o


NYE morning: received text message:

a) from someone I dated and until this message I thought LJBF'd me
b) from someone I dated forever ago, we met once again in the summer, and has taken things far more seriously than she ever let me on
c) from the person I initially thought it was who is now denying it to save face
d) forwarded to me by a client as an example of the things he has to put up with from the other party
e) sent to the wrong person

Need to consider how to word my response, if any, to see if I can politely probe to see which one it is.

And that pretty much sums up my 2011, minus the whole being completely jaded with the regress of the 21st century and praying for global thermonuclear war to save mankind from itself part.
vaecrius: The blocky spiral motif based on the golden ratio that I use for various ID icons, ending with a red centre. (Default)
heh.

(locked because the linked post forum is also locked and I am sheeples) [2014-09-28 that is the worst excuse for a lock ever]
vaecrius: The blocky spiral motif based on the golden ratio that I use for various ID icons, ending with a red centre. (Default)
"In the year or so I've had one girlfriend and a half, been in two(?) affairs, had a girl break off contact with me because she couldn't bear to risk her current boyfriend. When I said I'd wait for you, that hardly meant I'd just be passively lingering around, dear God no, I just meant I wouldn't be horrified if you came back again."

And now back to rewriting these encumbrance rules.
vaecrius: A round squishy plush lobster bursts out of the blue. (cock lobster)
Thought of the day:
So we did a conveyance today. Client was a dude signing the documents and another dude came in with him.

It's an office policy to get homebuyers to sign a declaration that (where it is in fact the case, obviously) they are intending to live in the home, their marital status, and if applicable who their spouse is.

To get this information I asked: 1. Are you planning to live in this unit? 2. What is your marital status? 3. Can I get your wife's name?

It would have been quite embarrassing had that other guy been the spouse. Especially if they, say, immigrated for that specific issue. D:

The only way I could confirm the gender of the spouse delicately at that point was to follow up with a question as to where the client was married... which fortunately (derp) was in fact a discriminating jurisdiction. -_-;


Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.

Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

Day Ten: One confession.

  1. Some people have a kind of "turning point" when they drop all pretence that they're just on a nice date and they're just going to be civil and chat. It is quite often crossed without my knowing it: one moment we're just chatting about music or the weather or the movie playing, or just playfully cuddling and tickling, and then we're making out and she's actively pulling me into her. The exact interaction is of course much more complicated, but almost entirely subconscious, and however I can rationalize any process in my head the ultimate subjective feeling is that it just happens, as though it were a technology indistinguishable to my crude barbarian mind from magic.

    Being party to that change alone would be worth the trouble.

  2. I take her by the hands. She responds. I move away. Her grip gently tightens with the distance and does not let go. The reaction is completely spontaneous.

  3. Memory plays odd tricks with me. The way someone does their hair, or that particular cut of a skirt, a totally random quirk in the way she stresses a point, a particular location (of which I have several specifically in mind and none of which I shall disclose to anyone not a party to the act) can bring forth any trickle or flood of memories as the mood sees fit.

    Sometimes I try to synthesize these memories in practice. Can it be I am doing that thing humans call... learning? Considering my track record, probably not. :V


And now Day Nine, at the beginning and at the end of the day.

  1. The rider purports to be proof that there is no God. The beast does not seem to care.

  2. If you need an explanation for this one, you are badly unfamiliar with this journal. I considered the Guercino take but that seemed a bit more appropriate for a much younger me.
vaecrius: A little yellow ant in the grass on a sunny day. (yellow ant)
Vaecrius the Townsperson:
Have you seen Special K the DJ's [ATB and Paul van Dyk rave mix]? I want it! I want it! Get it for me by fair means or foul!
vaecrius: The infamous cartoon of Darwin's head on a chimp's body, superimposed with a MSPainted Nazi armband. (are you a monkey)
One thing I really love about Grist: in the comments section, if you post without a profile picture the default isn't a bland, stilted silhouette of a human portrait, but rather a very dynamic, low-key, totally anonymous photo of a pair of hands typing on a keyboard. Evocative, elegant, beautifully adult. [2014-01-04 They've changed it. It's another fucking grey circle head. Fuck everything, kill everybody, burn the world.]

Anyway, the thingy.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
To clarify this of course only refers to sexual disarousal. Also of course I'm going to avoid the obvious things (poor hygeine, signs of meth addiction) - and focus instead on things that I don't think are too usual or that I have little idea why I feel that way about.
  1. Anything to do with Jesus. Christianity is like a trigger to me for everything that should not be erotic - the Crucifixion, the brunt of (I believe unjustified) modern blame for two thousand years of brutal repression, the culture wars, evil shit like this. Let's put it this way: It is an actual struggle for me to block it out when she says "Oh God".

    Note that there is one exception.

    [2014-11-21: Obviously I had to add the tag. Also, mildly amused at the proximity of this to the word "nails" below.]

  2. Decoration on nails, whether by painting or extensions or anything else beyond not having bothered to trim them this week. It just makes me, I dunno, think of an orifice that shouldn't be there or something.

  3. Any discussion about the sexual act as a matter of giving a thing away, in any sense more intimately tied to the act than that of "giving" the time and attention required to perform it. There is no way to frame any discussion about sex in that mindset without it being creepy or manipulative or both.

  4. Slut-shaming. I believe nearly everyone at some level is sexually aroused by the idea of doing things that are bad and wrong, despite anything we believe or feel to be good or that we should be aroused by, and without going into detail I am no exception. But to perpetuate that and all the insufferable bullshit it's thrown at everyone wanting a normal healthy adult sexual relationship / random tryst of no consequence to anyone but the two of us - neither me nor my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness want any part of it.
Yes, I'm aware of a recurring pattern here. To clarify, I am not playing to the particular (small) crowd of people who I know read this thing.
vaecrius: A stylized navy blue anarchy sign juxtaposed with a pixellated chaos symbol made to resemble a snowflake. (anarchy and chaos)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
I cannot follow that "in no order" constraint. This is explicitly in descending order of priority, but by no means is it an exhaustive list nor would the persons mentioned be necessarily adjacent to each other on a hypothetical full, exhaustive list.

Also note how it gradually morphs into Day One. This is unintentional but I'm rolling with it.
  1. My mother did everything in her power above and beyond the call of duty to raise the person I am today and keep the family out of the credit hole. People thought her fear of debt was irrational but then '08 came and she turned out to be right.

  2. My father worked hard for many long years as a provider and an example. The years went by and many things didn't turn out as hoped - sometimes even worse than feared - and they took their toll. I hope to properly acknowledge that somehow, as soon as acknowledging either of your efforts is no longer like some kind of zero-sum credit game.

  3. My two articling principals are both wise and kind lawyers who took me under their wing when no one else would take the risk. I can only hope not to disappoint too much in the short term.

  4. Byron, who managed to act as my mercurial guide in both junior secondary (what you southern barbarians call "middle school") and my first year of university. Who introduced to me the wonderous abomination unto sobriety known as Jaegerbomb. Who, uh, seems to have disappeared from any online presence. Get on FB already, we gotta go for more drinks.

  5. My first girlfriend, who was with me during what in retrospect has been one of the happier extended periods of my life. You were an excellent musician and you've got a good head on your shoulders, and though it wasn't apparent at the time the time we spent together ended up opening my eyes about many things. The way we parted was not good and you deserved better. I can only hope your romantic life has panned out better than mine (which I would say even if mine were not particularly bad or anything).



In other news:
Not that the Gay Adventurer wasn't one of my favourite recurring Oglaf characters before, but...
Here's some animals eating animals. On the one hand, this gives more argumentive weight to those who claim to be vegetarians but eat poultry, but...
A good argument for making dinosaurs fabulous. I can't help but think of a counterpoint though: the example modern-day critters are all smaller than a human being. Isn't it significantly costlier to maintain proportionally similar displays for an animal as large as a brachiosaur? (And "too big for camouflage" - considering that the predators are also bigger and everything moves at higher speeds, I can still see the use of blending into a forest against far-off packs scanning the horizon for prey.
And now some more explicit method to the madness of putting the "flesh" in "fleshing out". The throat pouch thing finally lets the entire sauropod structure make sense to me.
Life after grad. Literally.

And a story prompt based on real life: The other day I found in my working notepad a strange symbol scribbled into an otherwise blank page. I have no recollection who did it and it is not in any language I recognize. The following few nights afterwards I kept having strange dreams....
vaecrius: The blocky spiral motif based on the golden ratio that I use for various ID icons, ending with a red centre. (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
Posting this one a bit early since I got shit to do later this Xmas Day and also there was free coffee at the office that I had a huge black cuppa from the bottom of at around 7PM.

At no point here are we asked about what we regret not doing. There are no simple giveaways here, between the thought-requiring and the personal and TMI, and whoever made this questionnaire was wise.
  1. Based any critical academic or career decision on any notion of an inherent distinction between "left" and "right" "brain" thinking. To informally add to Day One:

    A. Bradshaw, you meant well and steered me in a right direction, but I think some of your words may have been taken the wrong way.

    B. Mr. Black, fuck you, you made me hate science for a whole semester and without any exaggeration you're the worst teacher I've ever had. At least the fat drunk who pretended to be our IT teacher left us alone long enough for us to learn anything instead of filling up valuable experimentation time with your worthless fucking pontifications about our academic futures.

  2. Tried to take JtR beyond its original four-panel, balls-to-continuity comic strip constraint. Getting lost in trying to fit everything together without any clear structure was what really killed my motivation to do the comic. (Of course, arguably its cessation was an overall improvement.)

  3. The Blind Machinegunner. If no one knows what this is, I will keep it that way. Let's just say it was mentioned in Day Two of this meme. In retrospect I can recall nothing redeeming about that work.

  4. Listened to my father's bullshit about my maternal grandmother. She was a kind and caring woman and never deserved that treatment. She fortunately died old and loved far, far away from our household and the damage was minimal.

  5. Every single drink that I ever had that got me too drunk to get laid in otherwise quite favorable circumstances.

  6. That confession letter to Her, circa 2003. Smack dab in the middle of my "I want to write like an 18th-century scientist but I'm not actually well read enough to pull it off" phase. My single biggest communication fail prior to law school. Seriously, what the fuck.

    Yes, this is related to Day One, and in fact in the bizarre Dickensian coincidence that she ever comes across this and somehow makes the connection between me and that boy from that time, I'm not at all worried about her recognizing herself here.
I remember what I knew then, and forgive that boy as I have been and will be forgiven.
vaecrius: The blocky spiral motif based on the golden ratio that I use for various ID icons, ending with a red centre. (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
I'm going to assume here, for the sake of my own mental health and no other reason, that "win" is in the sense of winning a lottery or winning a race, and not "winning" a lawsuit or "winning" a stabbing contest.

I also take notice of days seven and eight, and refrain as much as is reasonable from overlap.
  1. I want a woman who cares about something. Something she can talk about for hours on end if given the chance. (Logistics and the rules of conversation generally mean she does not.) Could be anything, I could have no clue what she's on about and I'd listen happily, as long as it's not gossip or fashion or some other thing that sets off my conformity-drone alarm bells.

  2. I value sexuality. Yes, I've liked many women who were at most into their erotic natures the way I'm into Jell-O-and-live-ants-based Berlin Wall re-enactment conventions - interesting but only in idly curious contemplation - but to be able to appreciate the other of the clothed ape's hyperdeveloped adaptations is to me the difference between someone I kinda like and the next Her.

  3. Oddly enough, the same goes for alcohol. Almost exactly the same. Except that I'm more likely to offer to drink with a girl less out of genuine desire and more as a shit test.

  4. It occurs to me that every "Her" in my past, I had met during or in anticipation of some time of significant change in my life. Totally random luck that my brain keeps forcing into a narrative somehow. I should probably stop doing that. I probably never will.

    This observation may itself be another instance of what I am observing.

  5. Whoever can see good in everything, hope in every situation, and acknowledge it properly, however terrible it might seem to others, but still know when to stand or even fight for something better, will very easily win my loyalty, respect, or affection as the circumstances make appropriate.

  6. Going back to the first point, I suspect there's an ideal amount somewhere of significant but not overwhelming overlap between my reading and hers, in which we might be able to reciprocate on that point.

  7. I'm going to steal what [personal profile] flemco said in his:
    Have a fucked-up sense of humor. It doesn't have to be as bad as mine, but there is nothing more alluring than a woman who laughs at the same twisted shit as yours truly.
    Different humour, same principle.

  8. Fuck with my expectations, please. The less boxed you are, the less I can justify rationalizing you away on a busy day.
vaecrius: A little yellow ant in the grass on a sunny day. (yellow ant)
But only after [personal profile] flemco caved first.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

  1. You've moved on. I still feel it, but I just want you to know that I understand if you've been trying not to communicate it to me. I'm sure I will - eventually - be able to let go.

  2. You were one hell a friend the brief time we knew each other. Some of the most vivid memories from that time were from when we were at the old puppeteer's place. I'm sorry I couldn't overlook your weird little tics and ultimately let the peer pressure get the better of me. If we ever meet again - and somehow recognize each other - we've got a shitload to catch up on.

  3. Fuck you and your ludicrous drama queen shit. You disgust me professionally and personally and existentially. You do not do that to a child and his mother. I didn't want to see you arrested at the airport just in time for Christmas, I wanted to see you drop the soap.

  4. You warned me you'd disappear one day. I don't think you ever got my e-mail, though I wish you luck with whatever you're doing, wherever you are.

    Oh, and for what it's worth I'm uh still slogging through the Cyborg Manifesto. I think I'm at one of the denser, jargony parts that I might end up having to skip for the time being.

  5. God dammit, man, you've been nothing but kind to me these years and I know the last thing you want is for me to turn into you know who, but you need to turn your life around! If you're really forgetting as much as you claim, there are ways around that. If not, then your face-saving bullshit is not doing what you think it's doing. I can help, but only if you let me.

  6. Thank you for the gentlest but frankest let-down I've experienced yet. Still would like to go for drinks, though, no strings attached. Despite your being hot. You're one of those people who just so obviously has something going on behind those eyes that I would be honoured to be a part of. Dunno what you see about being way out of town like that what with family all being around the GVRD, but hey each to their own.

  7. Fourteen years later I finally see what you saw in Tupac. Sorry 'bout the whole ridiculous fiasco with my dad. I think I saw you a couple times over the years but you didn't seem to recognize me. Wonder what you're up to nowadays - high school never was kind to us, nor its aftermath to our dreams.

  8. Kid, you're a little bit loopy but you've got a good head on your shoulders. Never take any bullshit from anybody. Remember the more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in battle. Never take your dreams for granted and remember that sword/gun you made from blocks can be quickly explained away as a "hammer" (or "wrench" if you make that awesome black grease gun again) if the teacher catches you with it.

  9. You should never have pleaded guilty to that. That was my fault. I was clueless and you deserved better, and I can only hope to use the experience to help others better than I helped you. (note: this is not in reference to any recent case. If you know me as a lawyer, this is not meant to address your situation and I stand by whatever advice I last gave.)

  10. People write to their past selves all the time, so I guess you might be surprised to find this. Remember the man you were, and the men who are what you were, what they knew and what they could have known. Forgive them as you were forgiven.
vaecrius: A stylized navy blue anarchy sign juxtaposed with a pixellated chaos symbol made to resemble a snowflake. (anarchy and chaos)
What it says on the uniform resource tin. Linking for post only, read comments at own risk!

And since I'm posting to that tag: this morning I glanced at the mirror and momentarily saw the guy that She is now with.

The half-full rationalization that chronologically he's the one that looks like me is not helping.

Why must I only be gregarious when unemployed /_\
vaecrius: A little yellow ant in the grass on a sunny day. (yellow ant)
Ever since I started reading feminist stuff I've often gotten really existentially despondent when I read about sexual selection and its hideous, grotesque products that we like to call "nature". So it's a bit odd that after reading this I feel deep subconscious sense of awareness of how horrible it's all not - even while ultimately rejecting Roughgarden's premise.

This also feels like it explains so much. ._.

And yet, today I post a thing that might well eventually make me happy.

I know this

if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.

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